The dirty dozen – Family life


Past month, my site attained the grand previous age of 12. I can’t fairly believe it’s been close to for so long – it’s a veritable digital antique now – and that I haven’t received bored of it nonetheless.

Speaking of which, I may perhaps ultimately dangle up my keyboard right before the up coming conventional landmark – even though I have no strategies to do so still – so it can make feeling to celebrate when I’m still heading.

And how do you celebrate when you’ve penned way way too several weblog posts? With a compilation write-up, of class!

Around the yrs, I have lined the grim side of parenting really a whole lot so, without additional ado, I give you the soiled dozen.

A man wearing a surgeon-style mask holding a dirty toothpaste lid.

Five gross factors that young children do

I know, I know… how did I only appear up with 5? This submit addresses licking toothpaste lids, missing the toilet and ‘cleaning’ with snot rags.

It also includes a pre-pandemic shot of me sporting a experience mask. Perhaps parenting actually well prepared me for the last few of yrs.

Zombie eye!

There are a number of happy firsts we rejoice as mother and father. Very first techniques, laughs and terms are constantly highlights.

This article is about my 1st kid-induced corneal abrasion and subsequent bout of conjunctivitis. Awwww…

This is going to travel me potty

Ugh. Rest room instruction. I’m glad we’re effectively over and above this grim phase. I still think it would have been less difficult to persuade Ghengis Khan to sit on a potty than it was with oldest.

Moreover no person instructed me I was heading to have to give a are living demonstration…

5 techniques my young ones have manufactured me skanky

Ah, people wonderful early times. When you don’t get any rest and inadvertently abandon your personal cleanliness. It’s nicely truly worth a area in the filthy dozen.

Here’s how I ended up wanting like a cross involving Wolverine and Mr Twit.

A swear box

Invasion of the swearing toddler

Another happy milestone below: baby’s to start with swear. We’ve all been there, appropriate? But this was the two a bad 1 and my fault.

But, even if I say so myself, there was a exceptional little bit of improvisation to shut it down.

That’s properly sick

Ah, our to start with whole-spouse and children sick bug. It is amusing how projectile vomiting is actually amusing until you are on the receiving end of it.

It also served to verify my emotions on some modern-day slang getting fairly questionable.

Mud kitchens: why?

Why on earth did my kids’ principal faculty decide to include a mud kitchen area? It was alternatively at odds with its pretty strict uniform policy.

My kids finished up wanting like they’d been to Glastonbury and contrary to the well-known song, mud is not fantastic for cooling the blood…

Two cartoon characters with photos of two little boys' faces superimposed on them.

Masters of farts

Any excuse to Photoshop my sons as South Park’s Terrance and Phillip. But, to be fair, they attained it. How?

Applying the word ‘poo’ as punctuation, farting on need and giggling like a pair of very little young children. Which, to be reasonable, they ended up at the time.

Large variances in between boys and ladies? Not in our house

Not to be outdone by her brothers’ exploits ahead of she was on the scene, youngest was swift to exhibit that the so-termed differences involving boys and women are nonsense.

This put up capabilities Frozen’s Queen Elsa on a different sort of throne.

A flash-in-the-pan flashback

Spoiler inform: this is one more occasion of me accidentally training one particular of the young ones a impolite word. And, no, regardless of being about Pancake Day, it was not ‘tosser’.

Other points of fascination contain a large mess in the kitchen and a small hearth!

A fairytale scene with characters burping and farting and the words 'The Brothers Grim' superimposed.

The Brothers Grim

Ok, this one’s about toilet humour once again. But I was far too amused by the flatulent fairy tale characters in the most important image to leave it out.

As the title suggests, this one’s about my older two young ones retelling classic bedtime stories with a faecal twist. Pleasant.

The birds and bees with cuddly toys

Where by do babies occur from? Indeed, I know you know. But how do you describe to your youthful youngsters how the new toddler obtained there?

The natural way, we turned to their cuddly toys. Actually, so did they…

This concludes my one of a kind dirty dozen. Many thanks for looking at. And sorry.

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