Having a baby remains the greatest gift and feeling in the world and women have been blessed with a womb and everything it takes to have babies. But won’t it be OK to have it at the right time? The ages between ten to nineteen are ages of development which starts differently for every girl. This is a time when a girl has the chance to enjoy how she develops into full womanhood and get to plan, go to school and enjoy her teen years. In a normal world she is still in a way supposed to take directions from her parents who by every means does their best to send her to school and help her be the best she can.
Statistics shows that one in three girls in America is estimated to get pregnant at least once before they get to their twenties. However, this number is better than it was ten years ago when the number was four in ten girls, still too high of course. The center for disease control [CDC] released a new report on U. S birth rates, and for the first time in fourteen years, teenage pregnancy rates increased -rising 3. 5% from 2oo5 to 2006, the most recent year for which data is available. For instance, in New York City alone, doctors anticipate that 40. 000 teens will be pregnant this year. I can’t even start talking about Africa and other third world countries because it is worst and so rampant making it very clear that we are living in an era where teen pregnancies have taken over the world. Some are as a result of stupid mistakes, some as a result of carelessness, some peer pressure, some just for the fun of it, some cultural and some as a result of rape.
In whatever manner this happens, it is not the best way to go. Babies having babies is the most difficult thing any boy or girl should ever have to do because then, she is still an adolescent who will now need to take up the responsibilities of an adult when this happens. Teen pregnancies do not only have serious consequences on the mothers, but extends to the baby’s fathers, the poor little baby, the grandparents and the society.
God made us to live only once and once only. When you are past a certain age, you will never return to it ever again. For instance when you are fifteen years and are developing into this very pretty girl and every part of you is coming up nice and suddenly some guy comes and sweeps you off your feet and you not only loss your virginity but get pregnant.
When this happens, things starts going down hill, which starts with your body. Your hormones developed by twice the normal rate–breast enlarged and sometimes starts sagging, stomach stretched -thus stretch marks, saggy or skin breakage from weight gain. Then your self esteem drops to zero, then the financial aspect also starts setting in and you are just fifteen and the baby daddy also around your age and in high school with no way of course to support both you and the baby. And maybe both of your parents were barely struggling to pay your school fees. To make matters worst, the baby’s father runs away and lives you and this baby either with your parents or with you alone. Before you know, you are overwhelmed and depressed for not meeting up as a mother -which in itself has many branches.
Some girls even go as far as abusing drug or alcohol in order to norm the pain. Some get into wrongful sexual activities such as prostitution for money or again to cover up the pain. Some girls start withdrawing from society, friends and family members and remain with a never ending pain and regret. Some girls decide to go for abortion which could be very complicated or chose to give the baby for adoption and remain in regrets all because of not being ready. Being, a parent is always tough and being a teen parent is especially tough on both mother and child. Teen mothers are much likely to drug out of high school and therefore can not achieve their goals and are more likely to be single parents throughout their lives. The children of teen parents are also more likely to repeat grades, be in poor health, remain in poverty and the lack of good parental care and education, be victims of abuse and neglect, be placed in foster care, and be incarcerated and to drop out of school themselves. Worst of all, they become teen parents themselves creating an intergenerational cycle.
The effect on the babies fathers are not as severe as on the girls’. However; most of them drop out of school as well or get very low paid jobs in order to take care of their kids. Some run away as soon as he hears the girl is pregnant while some deny ever having anything to do with you. Most of them also get into drugs, alcohol, stealing and jobs they won’t be doing if they had waited for the right time. A 40-60 % of these boys end up in jails living the kids to grow up not knowing who their father is and wine up repeating the circle.
The grandparents suffer as well as the society because they have to find means of taking care of these teen mothers and their babies. But do you want to depend on your parents, adoption agencies or welfare to take care of you and your kids. Isn’t that very low and cheap? In a nutshell, having a child as a teen makes it much difficult for a boy or girl to achieve their goals such as completing high school, going to college, getting a good job or even getting marry thus posing additional problems to the child also. All of the above effects have been known to put serious strains on relationships between the teen mothers and the child’s father thus a whole 70% of teen parents do not end up together.
But there is hope
This leads me to five very powerful steps on how to reclaim your life after all.
1] Acceptance:
This may sound hard, but just by being aware of what is not right in your life is 98% the battle. It is hard, but once you know what’s wrong, you will instinctively figure out a way out to deal with it. Teenage pregnancies comes with a lot of difficulties, economically, emotionally, psychologically and physically. A lot of teens in order to norm the pain gets involve in drug dealing, alcohol,sexprostitution. But I will strongly advice anyone in this situation to face it with a clear mind, so as to be able to think right. I recommend teen mothers to make a list.
Right when you wake up, before you’ve time to settle into your routine and your defense are up. Write how you feel. Are you really happy where you are,
Do you like being out of school?
What do you want for your life and your child?
What do you love about life. Writer down everything in your life you are truly happy about and everything you are not satisfied with, then you can start looking for means to adjust and reclaim your life. Acceptance also should mean!
2] Taking full responsibility for your situation.
Stop pointing fingers at anyone, even on the child’s father.
You and you alone can change your situation and all you need is to first acknowledge that it is wrong and you do not want to stay in one place in bitterness. Having a Child doses not have to stop you from achieving your goals. It can only be temporal. It should instead put some force in you to fight for success for you so as to give your child the best in life and help stop the cycle of teen pregnancies. While you are doing all these, ask God to guide you through by showing you how to get your life back. Ask Him for strength and courage and start looking at your child as a blessing instead, forgive yourself and anyone involved and stay focus on how to get out.
In this case, ask yourself, how can I get out of this mess?
What can I do in order to be a responsible person to my child, parents and my community?
Is blaming or pointing a finger at anyone reasonable and worthy?
What can I do to avoid this from happening to me or my son or daughter?
What legacy do I intend to live behind.
3] Staying organized [no clutters]
You may be asking, what has staying organized got to do with me having a baby or reclaiming my life. Yes it works. Read on to find out. Staying organized in any aspect of ones life not only help you to stay focused but helps you thrive in any kind of crisis.
This should start first thing when you get out of bed. Say your prayer [thanking God for a new day and ask for guidance for day], fix your bed, fold whatever needs folding, put it away and proceed to the bathroom where brush your teeth then take a nice warm shower. After all the grooming, you will feel energized to face the day. Then you can turn to other house chores and make sure everything is in order. Keeping yourself clean and you surroundings organized does not only make you feel good from the inside but also transients to the outside and to the society. Staying dirty and clumsy only adds to stress because then, your mine feels exactly the way your surroundings look.
In this case, I recommend making a to-do list for the day, put it on the fridge or take it with you to work if you work outside your home. I believe if your house or surrounding is clear from clutters, then your mine will also be free and organized. Then!
4] Find reasons to be grateful.
Having a child is the biggest gift and an awesome feeling as well. But having it at the right time is the best thing. Having a child as a teen mother is so hard for everyone involved because of the packet that comes with it. But a child remains a child and the best gift regardless of how he or she was born. So instead of focusing on this mistake, turn it around and start looking at yourself as one of the blessed among other women for being blessed with the fruit of the womb. Look at that child as worth precious gold. Get into things that are rewarding and will make you and your baby happy and things that will glory God. If you can sing, join a choir group, if you can dance, get to a dance group.
If you can write, pick up your pen and a notebook or your computer and get to work, if you are blessed with some special skills or talents which I believe we all have, this is the time to utilize them. Stay positive about life and being a better person despite all. Stay away from every and anything that can deter your way of thinking. Yes, it is never too late to reclaim your life. AND REMEMBER THAT WITH THIS ASPECT, YOU CAN TURN YOUR SETBACKS TO COMEBACKS AND MAYBE, EMPOWER OTHER WOMEN. Never let yourself to stay ideal.
And that leads us the last and most important aspect!
5] Giving yourself the gift of education
This as many people will bear with me remains the number one key that can get you out of low self esteem, humiliation, self defeat and poverty. It is the key to freedom. And the U. S. A is a place where anyone regardless of race or gender can get it with no problems. The U. S. A offers such great opportunities as financial aides and all kinds of student loans which you won’t find in other parts of the world and it is worth taking advantage of.
Go to school and get at least a diploma although I will still advise not settling for less. You can still follow your heart and can still find the purpose for which you are here on earth. You can be a teenage/single mother but still be an outstanding woman. Do not listen to people tell you negatives things such as you can not do it, never take No for an answer or settle for any less because of being a teen mother. I am writing from personal experience.
I was a teen mother from the age of thirteen and even though from a continent with very little or no opportunities, I thrived because I followed all these steps.
Chose your friends. People with the same goals as you. Those who are ambitious and motivated to change their lives. Avoid negative people because all they do is drain out everything you ever had as self worth. Stop making excuses for yourself.
Get some kind of professional training or learn a trade, and grab any and every opportunity that comes your way so far as it’s going to help you reclaim your life.
